When was the last time i cried so hard?
JUNE 26, 2009
but it was also the time that GOD all the more strengthened my FAITH
and expressed loud and clear how much HE LOVES ME and MY FAMILY!
It was the most painful and hardest situation in my life...
when the doctor said my mother could go anytime... my mom was in the I.C.U. ---critical, unconscious, in deep pain because of aneurysm... I was alone, having difficult times seeing my mother in pain, while my Papa was crying and telling me, "Anak, hindi ko kayang mawala ang Mama mo...gawan mo naman ng paraan na mabuhay ang Mama..."
Mama needed to have an immediate operation and we would be needing P600,000 for her operation or else, my mom could die anytime... That was the hardest part ever. I was all alone taking care of my mom in the I.C.U. while at the same time looking after my Papa who had mild strokes... while providing for my nephew who was then 5-month old because his father wasn't lucky enough yet to have a job. I was the only one taking care of everyone...I would go hopping from one hospital, blood bank and pharmacy to another... (Indeed, when it rains, it pours!) TOUGH TIMES... but I NEVER questioned GOD... i even THANKED Him and still keep on THANKING HIM until now...
I was telling my friends, "GOD loves me so much and indeed I am one of His favorites! HE trusts me so much that HE puts me into this test. GOD is really, really good and loving! GOD be glorified!"
When that was happening, I was crying painfully inside... i couldn't cry in front of my parents because they were depending on me...getting strength from me. I had to pretend I was that strong.
So, if I couldn't help and felt i had to burst into tears, I just ran to the chapel... in front of the LORD and of Our Mother of Perpetual Help (who's feast day is today, JUNE 27), I would cry my heart out.
That time, I was just HOLDING ON TO MY FAITH... HOPING IN GOD's LOVE...BELIEVING IN THE POWER and MIRACLE OF PRAYERS!
My reflections on GOD's heartwarming messages and expression of LOVE:
- When GOD gives you a TRIAL, HE will also be the one to give you more than enough GRACE to get through it...all that is required is TO TRUST GOD more than 101%! HE blessed us with several kindhearted, true FRIENDS and heavenly-sent people who helped us in each and every way... (financial, moral and spiritual support)
- "IMPOSSIBLE" is never a part of GOD's vocabulary once you pray with FAITH, HOPE and LOVE. Hard but true. GOD made me realized that with HIM, who is powerful, merciful and loving...NOTHING IS REALLY IMPOSSIBLE. I remember, Mama's doctor tapped me several timed on my shoulder and said, "Pagdasal mo na lang na walang mangyari sa Mama mo mula ngayon hanggang bago mag operation..." Then morning before her operation, another doctor told me again, "Pagdasal mo na lang na hindi kailanganin ng mother mo ng dugo for the operation..." (cause I was not able to find any blood for Mama's operation which was a requirement to the procedure)but indeed NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE to GOD. He will not let HIS beloved be in pain forever... HE knows what HE is doing.
- Before, if I could say GOD is GOOD, all the more that I can say it NOW because I feel, I am more credible to say this after having experienced all these trials. Also, if before the challenging experienced happened, I would exclaimed, "malapit kami sa Diyos," that time that we were having that hardest situation in our lives, I said, "Hindi lang kami basta malapit sa Diyos, kasa-kasama namin ang Diyos... Hindi Niya kami iniwan, Hindi Niya ako pinabayaan mag-isa kahit mag-isang nag-aalaga kay Mama." GOD will never abandon us nor forsake us.
- THINGS happen indeed for a reason! We may not understand WHY at times we had to go through tough times, especially when the situation is causing us so much pain and hardship, nevertheless, we need not to question instead just believe and thank GOD that we are entrusted with a test which HE wisely and definitely knows we will be able to pass...HE will really not give us a trial, we cannot overcome...Now, after all that happened, i knew already why I had to go through that... I will not be credible enough to tell other people how LOVING, KIND AND POWERFUL GOD is if i didn't experience that. That experience was not for me... nor for my mother alone but for others whom GOD is sending me... sending us and our family to evangelize and accompany spiritually especially during their times of trials, doubts, pains and most difficult situations in lives.
- GOD will always BE GOOD, FAITHFUL and LOVING. We may not be deserving of GOD's goodness and grace but we just have to be humble enough to acknowledge that no matter how unworthy we are...GOD will still LOVE us and shower us with His blessings even if we do not ask for it...HE will bless us. So WE just have to be THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING and BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING IS GOD's EXPRESSION OF HIS LOVE AND GOODNESS!
We couldn't afford to pay P600k, the doctor honestly said, "if you couldn't afford to pay with such amount, then go and transfer your mother to other hospital or else your mom can go anytime..." that was JUNE 26, 2009, Friday, about 8pm...it was as if a nightmare to hear that my mom could go anytime...not after an hour, a week, a month or a year... but ANYTIME. Hard. Painful. Heartbreaking.
On JUNE 27, 2009, Saturday, past 4am, I was crying in front of the image of Our Mother of Perpetual Help and praying hard to GOD to HELP me... help my Mama and embrace my family...
The LORD then continued to do miracles, my mom was transfered to PGH that Saturday afternoon...MIRACLE indeed! We were not allowed to transfer by the private hospital people because they said, it was unbelievable! "Punuan daw sa PGH, lalo na sa ICU, mahirap daw don, dapat may kakilala... dapat may doctor na titingin agad kay Mama..." It was hard to get there because we needed to be transferred from ICU to ICU...but a doctor (whom until now I haven't seen and met---angel perhaps) called the private hospital and assured everyone that my Mama could be transferred since she was reserved with a room and a doctor at the Philippine General Hospital (PGH!) I really cried with a grateful heart and deeply thanked GOD for such miracle!
GOD will make things happen in time HE knows is perfect for EVERYONE!
After a "long obstacle course of faith" on JUNE 29, 2009, 6am, Mama got operated ... That time, I told Mama before going to the operating room, (I was with her during all the medical procedures except the operation so I witnessed how she suffered and tried to get through all the painful procedures) "Mama, kahit na anong mangyari, kakapit ka lang kay Jesus... at kay Mama Mary... kahit na anong mangyari..." but that was the only time, I heard my mother said, "Anak, pagod na ako, hirap na ako..." But i still told Mama, "Mama, basta kakapit ka lang kay JESUS..."
When I heard my mom said, "Anak pagod na ako, hirap na ako..." I just all the more entrusted my Mama's life to GOD... I was just praying the rosary outside the operationg room... alone. I went to the chapel of PGH... I was just sitting on the floor and said, "LORD, Ikaw na po ang bahala...ginawa ko naman po lahat ng kaya ko para ilaban ang buhay ng Mama ko... but give me the grace to accept whatever Your will is... alam Mo po kung ano ang higit na makakabuti...Ikaw na po ang bahala..."
GOD always knows and wants what is best. WE CANNOT DO ANYTHING... WE cannot be proud of anything because EVERYTHING is GOD's...WE just have to make the most out of everything that GOD is giving and entrusting to us...so in the end, we can say, "LORD...I've given my all, i did my best...be in charged of the rest, please..."
July 07, 2009--- very, very grateful that GOD allowed us to go home with Mama (at her second life.) Until now, we all enjoy Mama's love and care. Her hugs and kisses. She is such an expression of GOD's LOVE and GOODNESS! She is a living testimony of GOD's POWERFUL LOVE and MERCIFUL GRACE! I remember some friends saying, "MITZI, pag nakikita namin si Mama, lalo kaming naniniwala na may DIYOS."
I will forever be thankful for this wonderful miracle and great experience of GOD's LOVE for me and for my family! How can i not feel and say, "I am one of GOD's favorites! I feel truly special and important to Him!"
I hope and pray you feel the same... YOU are GOD's beloved! We are all HIS precious children!
GOD be glorified! THANK YOU, LORD!!!=)
